Dream Haze

I dedicate this to all those who have frozen in a mix of shock and poorly disguised suspicion when a woman says “Man, I HATE shopping”.

I really feel I owe the gender debate my own theories as to why one of the female kind absolutely loathes shopping. However I dislike it so much that I cannot bring myself to hypothesise, form comprehensive sentences and the whole proper beginning, middle, end thing that english teachers drool about. How about point form?

1. It often involves clothing. Clothing is boring, follows bizarre trends that mean many sheep like people wear mostly absurd and unattractive pieces of largely overpriced thread, bringing me to my next point.

2. It involves money. Money is a pesky thing that just sits there when you don’t have the need to spend and somehow goes missing right when you really desire to buy something. Most annoying.

3. Clothes shopping is gender biased. Especially in summer. Girls tend to wear skimpy barely existant bikinies and such. They pay twice the price a male does. More than twice if you’re a certain person who appreciates the commando style of living. Admittedly the price difference is becoming less as this whole ‘trend’ thing is sucking guys into its evil vortex of money-mind-individuality-sucking doom, but it still annoys me.

4. Shopping involves many people. People smell. Especially people in crowds of snatchy whiney gigglepots that wear the same thing (suprise suprise) and throw their rubbish over balconies to see which pram they hit (I witnessed this today, hence today = people in general are on my bad list).

5. Shopping involves decision making. Any one that has known me for 5 minutes.. or was it 6.. will know that decision making is my largest flaw. To be put through shop upon shop of ‘ummmmm should I or shouldn’t I’, is pure agony.

6. Many forms of shopping involve mirrors. Mirrors in public places should be banned. Mirrors in teensy rooms that make your skin go funky colours should be banned. Shop attendants that gawk at you in the mirror instead of looking at the real you in person, should be banned.

7. Shopping attracts nice people who accidentally or perhaps intentionally provide backhanded compliments right at your weakest moment. You really would be gorgeous if your wore nice clothes is an interesting one that requires further thought.

That’s it for now, I need a shower to rid myself of shopping germs. Did I mention I had the most succesful shopping trip ever today? I have expanded my shoe collection from 2 to 4. My dress collection from 1 to 3. My short-short collection from -1 to +1, and my wardrobe finally from winter, to summer. Yay.

PS - I quiver in fear of those 5 ppl who will prosecute me for the untrendy use of trendy grammar above.

PPS - and I’d take Johnny Depp’s hand-me-down rags anyday over real clothes.

PPPS - Electrocution by clothes dryer after spending 2 hours fixing it = Bad Mood

PPPPS - Trendy. Dude.